


I Wanna Be Your Man

by mvernet



Series: The Blond Beatle Affair [3]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Episode Related, M/M, Mention Of Past Traumas, Missing Scene, Songfic, U.N.C.L.E. Helicopter, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 05:24:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6106294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvernet/pseuds/mvernet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During The Finny Foot Affair, Naploeon tries to tell Illya how he feels about him.</p><p>A songfic inspired by I Wanna Be Your Man by The Beatles<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iqw8m2shH54</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wanna Be Your Man

The man from U.N.C.L.E., Napoleon Solo, could make any suit look good. Even a deathly white hazardous material suit complete with a self-contained breathing apparatus and bubble helmet. Illya Kuryakin was not as lucky.

“Napoleon! This suit is not made correctly! It is baggy and the covers for the shoes are too big. I look like a child in a circus clown costume! Oh, I am sure this suit is impervious to poisonous gas and noxious materials, but will it keep me from tripping over my own feet?”

The agents were guests of the London office and were heading out in a brand new U.N.C.L.E. helicopter to investigate strange happenings in Scotland. Waverly had dubbed this assignment the The Finny Foot Affair after the Island of that same name off the Scottish coast. There was evidence of the existence of a toxic chemical causing premature aging. Possibly a bio-weapon, in the wrong hands. Mr. Waverly wanted it in the right hands, namely those of his top agents Kuryakin and Solo.

Napoleon smiled as he watched Illya struggle to line up the suit’s breathing tubes with the helmet.

“Well, perhaps our London friends will consider providing munchkin size suits next year. I’ll drop a suggestion in the box, shall I?”

“Agent Solo, I am aware of what a munchkin is and I hope you are aware of how precarious your grip on life is at this moment. You are the only man I would allow to call me that without serious repercussions.” Illya walked towards Napoleon and looked him in the eye. “Do not toy with me, Napoleon Solo,” he whispered ominously and placed his bubble helmet on his head.

Napoleon tried to keep a straight face and failed. Sputtering, he said, “You do look ridiculous, but I’d rather have you look ridiculous than old before your time... and dead.”

Illya removed his helmet, satisfied that all was in order. “Point taken. Let us go now. I am already hungry. All I had for breakfast was tea and toast and kippers and eggs.” Illya smiled.

Illya’s smile did disturbing things to Napoleon’s brain. A drum beat pounded along with his heart. He’d been keeping his feelings for Illya to himself, in deference to Illya’s feelings on the matter. Illya had told Napoleon when under the influence of fear gas that he had been hurt badly by someone, by a him. Illya was afraid to love again. Napoleon understood. He had felt the same way before he met an icy, blond Russian spy, who stole his heart. The drum beat grew louder.

I wanna be your lover baby  
I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your lover baby  
I wanna be your man  
Love you like no other baby  
Like no other can  
Love you like no other baby  
Like no other can

I wanna be your man, I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your man, I wanna be your man

“Napoleon? What’s wrong?”

Napoleon shook his head to stop the drumming. “Nothing, partner mine. But there is something I’d like to discuss with you.” Napoleon licked his lips.

Illya cocked his head, concern visible on his brow. “Yes, Dorogoy?”

Illya mentally kicked his treacherous mind for the slip. Napoleon was indeed very dear to him, but he did not want Napoleon to know how much. Napoleon’s eyes widened, he looked down and smiled coyly.

“I’m piloting the chopper.”

“But… I…”

“I’m pulling rank. You can fly it next time. I can’t wait to get my hands on the throttle.” Napoleon wagged his eyebrows. He had chickened out. He had plenty of time to tell Illya he loved him, wanted him. He’d try again on the flight to Finny Foot. He’d explain it all. Illya would tell him he feels the same. Then his Solnishko would be his. The drums started again.

Tell me that you love me baby  
Let me understand  
Tell me that you love me baby  
I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your lover baby  
I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your lover baby  
I wanna be your man

I wanna be your man, I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your man, I wanna be your man

~~~O~~~

“What did you want to discuss earlier, Napoleon?” Illya shouted over the sounds of the engine and the pulsing blades. He was sitting behind the pilot’s chair and slightly to Napoleon’s right. He leaned forward and placed a hand on Napoleon’s shoulder. 

Napoleon sighed. He could do this. He could.

“Illya, Solnishko. I have fallen in love with you.”

The chopper blades sliced the air and prevented Napoleon from hearing the gasp that escaped Illya’s mouth.

“Napoleon! Do not say such things! Why would you say this to me?”

“I… when… since my wife died. That was before I went to Korea, I have not allowed myself to fall in love. I craved the warmth of another body in my bed. But It didn’t matter who, or which gender they were.”

“I know of your tragedy, Napoleon. Waverly told me. He is reticent about your… sexual dalliances, but tolerates them. We both feel you are above such behavior. I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I understand perhaps better than you, how painful a lost love can be. I am glad you now feel more open to the idea of a monogamous relationship. But, Napoleon. Me?”

Napoleon turned and smiled. The clouds parted and the sun shined.

“Oh, yes, Solnishko. You.”

I wanna be your lover baby  
I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your lover baby  
I wanna be your man  
Love you like no other baby  
Like no other can  
Love you like no other baby  
Like no other can

“Nyet! I will not tolerate this… this… infatuation! You are an infuriating man. I do not wish the intentions of anyone, especially a man like you! I do not seek the affections of anyone. I… I… presently am seeing Marion Raven, when she and I are both in New York. I have sex with her, Napoleon! What on earth are you thinking about? You are insane!”

Napoleon chuckled. The island they were looking for presented itself below them. The blades changed pitch as they started their descent. “You haven’t said you don’t love me.”

I wanna be your man, I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your man, I wanna be your man  
I wanna be your man, I wanna be your man

“Ot'ebis, Napoleon Solo.” 

“Didn’t catch that.” Napoleon shouted as he brought the chopper down on the deserted village square. The nasty Russian curse didn’t phase him. Illya had not denied he was in love.

TBC  
Stay tuned for more songfics capturing the continuing adventures of Napoleon and Illya.


End file.
